Adventures in fatherhood

I never exactly said yes to having a family. But I didn’t say no either. My wife Madeleine would bring up the subject of children every few years, and I mastered the art of changing the subject. But after seven years of marriage she managed to convince me. So there I was, about to become a father.

My emotions swung between excited anticipation and fear about this new step. I had a lot of concerns. Namely, could I adjust to the change in our independence and freedom? Would I be a stable provider? Could I still be adventuresome and free-spirited? And—would my kids even like me?

All my life I’ve turned to God for answers, especially when I feel afraid. So during this time, I deepend my prayers and spiritual study. Madeleine and I also asked a Christian Science practitioner to pray with us during the pregnancy. The practitioner suggested that I spend some time considering Mary Baker Eddy’s explanation of man—which applies to all men and women—in Science and Health. Part of it reads, “Man is idea, the image, of Love; he is not physique.” ¹ Although I had read and studied this passage many times before, it now took on new meaning for me. I thought about the real essence of each one of God’s children, and began to see how perfect we all really are as creations of the one perfect Parent.

As the birth of our son approached, I grew in my confidence that God was indeed in charge—and what a relief that was. The day David arrived changed my life. I held him in my arms, and as he looked me straight in the eye (and announced with some vigor that he was here!) I knew I would never be the same. Suddenly, my fears about my lifestyle changing seemed insignificant in the face of this beautiful boy. I became determined to follow Christ Jesus’ command to become more like a little child, “for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” At that moment, I realized that heaven—happiness, fulfillment, joy—was truly spiritual.

As David grew, and we welcomed the birth of our daughter, Micah, three years later, I also grew in my understanding and appreciation of parenting. I decided the best thing I could give my children was a spiritual education and the confidence that God, their divine Father, would always be by their side, guiding, protecting, and healing them. They attended our local Christian Science Sunday School, and together we saw how prayer could heal and transform their lives. There were many powerful examples of this—from David’s quick healing of a medically diagnosed fractured arm to the time that Micah’s beloved puppy was healed of the effects of plant poisoning.

As our children grew, their activities expanded and—what do you know—mine did, too. I almost had to laugh at my old fear that my life wouldn’t be as adventuresome or fun once I had children. Rather than feeling tied down, I felt as if I’d been set free. It’s like that statement in Science and Health: Man understand spiritual existence in proportion as his treasures of Truth and Love are enlarged….

“This scientific sense of being, forsaking matter for Spirit, by no means suggests man’s absorption into Deity and the loss of his identity, but confers upon man enlarged individuality, a wider sphere of thought and action, a more expansive love, higher and more permanent peace.” As I discovered more about my relationship to God and applied this understanding to nurturing our children, my life soared. I wasn’t missing out on a thing. I’ve charged a teenage paintball army, participated in youthful games of basketball, and gallopoed horses through the back woods. All because of my kids.

When David was 15, he announced that he wanted to take up surfing. How could I say no to his youthful enthusiasm? So there I stood one spring morning—the guy from west Texas who hadn’t even seen an ocean before he turned 20—starting at the surf with a longboard in his hand. David suggested we study that week’s Bible Lesson from the Christian Science Quarterly before we tackled the waves. Here he was, guiding us to spiritual concepts that would conquer our fears and help us see God as always on the scene, always by our side. By the time we got out on the waves that day, I felt totally immersed in God’s love. In the six years since, David and I have spent many weekends surfing off the Gulf coast of Texas, close to where we live. We’ve also caught waves in remote areas of Costa Rica and on the well-known beaches of southern California.

Like a lot of fathers, I have had to deal with some anxiety about providing for my family. For most of my children’s growing-up years, I held a very stable and satisfying job—and I pretty much figured that I’d be in it forever. So when I had to go home one day and tell my family I’d been fired, I felt as if I’d really let them down. I felt angry, fearful, embarrassed, and inadequate. Yet, I knew that an all-good God could have only good in store for me and my family. Again, I had to remind myself of His infinite provision, His unstoppable love for each of His children. My family supported me as I turned to my Father for guidance and comfort. As it turned out, within two weeks of my layoff, I was offered a new position, one that has proved to be more fulfilling and challenging than the job I left behind.

Although my wife and I have always been very involved in our children’s activities, as they’ve grown into young adults, I’ve had to learn to let go—and that hasn’t always been easy. My daughter’s recent involvement in horseback riding, for example, has forced me to trust her safety to God. I’ve prayed a lot about her well-being and for the ability to let Micah make decisions without my controlling her—especially if I feel my inpur is coming from a place of fear. I’ve learned that she, too, has a unique relationship with God and that I can trust Him to guide and protect her, whatever she’s doing. And it’s been great to see that this trust is well-founded.

Twenty years after I first found out that I was going to become a dad, I can honestly say that fatherhood has been the greatest adventure of my life. It’s given me an intense forum for growth in character and faith in God as the Parent of all. And it’s been a whole lot of fun. I know I have my Father to thank for all of it.