From depression to joy in living

I had slumped into a deep depression, overwhelmed by circumstances that I felt powerless to do anything about. Fear was a constant companion. I feared for my health, as I had been told that I was immune to antibiotics, and I had an allergy that was considered incurable. I would envy people with confidence, because I had none. I worried constantly about my children’s health and safety. Added to this, I felt like a victim, always at the beck and call of other people.

With my self-esteem at its lowest ebb, I thought life was passing me by. An overwhelming desire to rekindle my musical talent caused me to turn for help to a copy of Science andHealth with Key to the Scriptures that had been a gift to me several years before. In it I read: “The sharp experiences of belief in the supposititious life of matter, as well as our disappointments and ceaseless woes, turn us like tired children to the arms of divine Love. Then we begin to learn Life in divine Science” (Mary Baker Eddy, p. 322). I had heard of people being healed just by reading this book, so I began reading. I was hooked by the time I got to the bottom of page 1. I couldn’t put it down. I let it speak to my hungering heart, and it did. I knew that I was going to find solutions to my problems. Every spare minute I had, I returned to reading it.

Trying to live my life without God in it, I discovered, was the root cause of most of my problems. And I quickly sensed that there was a connection between what I was thinking and what was going on in my life. It was breathtaking to discover that I had an unbreakable relationship to a God who was pure Spirit, the supreme power of the universe, and who was always with me. I began to feel the presence and power of God within, and this brought a peace I had never known before. My fears were falling away as I read. Previously I had been seeing danger in every direction! Now I saw that God loved me, cared for me. The tears started rolling.

Perhaps the statement that made the most impact on me was, “Whatever is governed by God, is never for an instant deprived of the light and might of intelligence and Life” (p. 215). Yes, that’s exactly what I needed—light, spiritual light, to lighten the darkness and depression I felt, and might to strengthen me, to give me the dominion that I knew by now was my divine right. And I already possessed these qualities as part of my spiritual identity, as part of my divine inheritance. Never for an instant could I lose them. Something else dawned on me—a “new” universe I never knew existed, a spiritual universe, in all its perfection and glory. And I was an essential part of it; I was essential to its completeness. I was special to God, unique, the image and likeness of my creator.

I stopped seeing myself as a victim. I was just as important as anyone else! I could value myself. I could use my talents and God-given ability in the service of God and humanity, and love doing it. This was my reason for being. I felt confidence and joy welling up within me. It was like waking up from a bad dream. My new understanding was spiritualizing my thought, and I started putting what I was learning into practice. The spiritual truths I was discovering about myself were also true about others. I had a new respect and love and compassion for my neighbor, because everybody is a child of God. More love and kindness were returned to me. I spoke more gently, became less cynical, gave up social drinking, felt safe relying totally on God for healing, prayed daily, overcame my fear of driving, and entrusted my children to God’s care (they were His children—it was my job to love and care for them). Within two years, my allergy disappeared, never to return. I found joy in living. Well! Wasn’t all this a “new” life?